The Why/How of Couples Not Sharing Sexual Fantasies With Each Other

I encourage couples to tell each other their dreams in order to be closer and enliven their sex life. Yet, so a couple of people actually do this. Why? Due to the fact that ladies feel uncomfortable and men both feel uncomfortable and don’t want to offend their female partners. But another reason is that dreams are far more intricate than they are normally assumed to be.

Fantasy comes in many forms. Many people are considering non-vanilla sexual practices and encounters, such as threesomes, BDSM style sex, which includes non-consensual sex, sex with the same-sex partner if they are usually heterosexual. But individuals might not in fact want to enact these fantasies in reality (especially the typical woman rape fantasy; this fantasy is normal and in no other way suggests females want to be pushed into sex). Likewise, many individuals do not have many (or any) sexual fantasies at all, especially ladies with lower sex drives.

However, more individuals have what I will call love and care dreams. These are fantasies of being looked after and paid attention to, for a prolonged time. For instance:

Receiving a half-hour massage
Having your back carefully scratched for a long time
Having your partner shower you
Having your wife wear underwear to bed regularly (versus wearing something one time).
Having a sexual encounter that lasts for hours vs 15 minutes.
Receiving foreplay is a routine part of sex.
Eye contact throughout sex.
Have your partner stroke and touch your whole body, throughout sex or not during sex.
Having your partner take more time to offer you an orgasm (aka edging, however this makes it sound more like a sex fantasy than a love and care fantasy, when it can be both).
Having several orgasms routinely versus your partner stopping after one.
Speaking about how attracted you are to each other throughout sex, regularly.
Having sex whenever you wish to, versus at some compromise frequency.
Having your partner initiate in a particular method.
These fantasies don’t fit the normal mold of “”sex fantasies,”” so individuals feel shy and awkward about sharing them. However, they are more dreams of sensation fully cared for, and having your entire body, and being accepted and loved by your partner. If your partner says no to whips and chains, you can tell yourself it’s simply not their thing. However, if they say no to rubbing your body when you ask for it, this appears a lot more like a deep rejection than a sexual preference. This is why individuals don’t easily share these preferences.

Think deeply about what your love and care fantasies are, and why you do not share them with your partner. Ask yourself if you love your partner enough to would like to know their inmost love and care dreams and to attempt your best to give them what they wish for. If so, send them this post and ask them to inform you their love and care fantasies after sending them this post. You may learn something new that brings you better.

On your end, think up two or three things that you might mention to your partner when you are in bed and sensation close. You might say something like, “”This sounds silly but when you ask my fantasies, it isn’t anything like a threesome. It is more like sex that lasts for a long period of time, like over an hour, and has a great deal of touching each other and telling each other how great it feels.”” If your partner is shocked, don’t assume the worst and believe they do not wish to give you want you to need or they are unenthusiastic. Possibly they are just processing. Provide time to attempt to provide you what you need.

Your bed room can be a safe and loving sanctuary, where you and your partner feel continually, comforted, and satisfied. But absolutely nothing happens without objective and work. Beginning a conversation with your partner about dreams in this brand-new way can be a primary step towards a new sort of nearness, or can deepen an already-fulfilling sexual bond.

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