What do men and women think about sexual behavior before marriage?

If you are waiting to have any kind of sex-related get in touch with in any way before marriage, then one thing to do is recognize that there is a very strong possibility that your companion will not take pleasure in sex at all. If it is really important to you to be religious as well as celibate prior to marriage, after that your religion needs to be thought of as the primary top priority in your life. There is no free lunch in life. If you are religious enough to completely shun the idea of determining sexual compatibility prior to marriage, you require to make the decision not at fault your companion if they turn out to be not compatible with you in this domain, and also to live a life that is more regarding faith than sex. If more people were clear regarding this selection, it’s likely that there would be fewer sadly couples, a minimum of in the sexual realm.

Are there any ways to discuss sex prior to marriage that can help people assess compatibility in this domain even in the absence of having sex? Honestly, not really. There is an extremely low likelihood that a young man who is religious, dating a religious woman, will turn to her and say, “”What do you think about oral sex after marriage? What about different sexual positions?”” This doesn’t really jibe with the whole idea of being religious, and doesn’t seem like a very romantic thing to say. Further, and even more ironically, young men who are religious but have seen porn (likely by now this is the VAST majority of young religious men) assume that these things will be a given, and the ring on the woman’s finger will unlock their wildest fantasy sex life.

However, even in the case where the guy (or the woman if she is very high libido) brings these ideas up, a woman who has never had intercourse has no real idea what she will feel about blowjobs in the future. As I’ve discussed, even women who are giving blowjobs in the honeymoon stage have no idea that their own libidos (and therefore their desire to give blowjobs) will decrease so dramatically after marriage and kids. How could a young religious woman possibly have any idea what she will feel about certain sex acts?

Of course, a religious couple could get into couples counseling for sex immediately upon marriage, but this is not what they generally choose to do. It feels shameful that after all that buildup, honeymoon night sex is often so disappointing, and most people choose to assume that “”things will improve.”” Since religious women in particular are inculcated in the belief that sex is BAD, it is very hard to change on a dime on the wedding night, or often EVER, and decide that it’s actually something good. Couples/sex therapy can help, but that would require a woman who is comfortable enough to discuss sex with a stranger, which is not everyone.

Does this mean that no religious couples have great sex? Certainly there are people who meet very young and discover their bodies with one another. Usually these people innately have higher sex drives and physical touch love languages, and also saw a loving relationship between their parents. Read this for all of the signs that your partner will stop enjoying sex after marriage and kids, and certainly pay attention to all of these signs even MORE if you are choosing not to actually see what your potential spouse will be like in bed prior to marriage.

Interestingly, the couples I have seen that are religious that have good sex lives are those who “”slipped up”” and had sex or sexual contact with prior partners and/or with one another prior to marriage. This only makes sense. If you are carried away by your high sex drive and end up having sex even when you “”shouldn’t””, especially if this becomes a special secret versus a cause of severe self-castigation, this is a really good sign for your later sexual connection. The religious couples with the worst sex lives are those who waited many years to be sexual. Particularly for men, this often indicates a low sex drive, because a young religious man with a high sex drive will get married as young as possible. I discuss this more in depth here. That linked post also shows what a “”high sex drive but waiting until marriage”” religious woman would look like, and she’s in the category of women who are happily doing “”everything but”” sex that I mentioned earlier.

People often become frustrated and angry with spouses for being exactly who they always said they would be. This is irrational and unfair. If more men recognized that a woman who has reasons not to have sex in the dating stage will continue to be the same woman after marriage, and that a sexually closed and shy woman before marriage is basically telling you how she will be after marriage, then they could make more informed and objective decisions about whom to marry. Additionally, men reading this after marriage could reexamine whether it is fair or kind to expect a woman who had no experience with sex except being taught that it is sinful to somehow completely change within marriage. Empathy with your wife’s position could make your overall relationship closer, which is often what men who want more sex really want at a core level.”

Share your love