What causes my husband not to initiate sexual activity? How can I change this?

It’s frustrating – and sometimes hurtful – to see your husband or long-term partner losing interest in sex. When he says, “”I’m too tired,”” or you notice he hasn’t initiated the act in several months, you almost immediately assume the worst: Is he no longer attracted to me? Does he seem unhappy? Has he been having an affair?

But the truth is, it’s normal for sexual intimacy to change over the course of any relationship, especially one that’s long-term. However, if you notice your husband or partner shying away from sex more regularly and it’s negatively affecting you as a result, that’s when it’s time to have an open and honest conversation about it.

1.Priorities have shifted
Life can get hectic, and as a result, sex can be put on the back burner. Especially if you have kids, it might not be top of mind for him to come home from work and initiate sex right away. Hot tip: It’s still important to prioritize sexual intimacy in your marriage, especially if you’re working with busy schedules.

The first step? Start planning sex into your week. “You can’t have eroticism be spontaneous,” says Pizzulli. “We plan everything else in our lives, so why not this? You have to set time aside.” Set a “date” for Saturday night, and stick to it—preferably during a time with no kids in the house to avoid possible distractions.

2 He has a medical condition .Just like women, as men age, their risk for certain health conditions rises—including erectile dysfunction (ED) and prostate cancer, both of which can have a serious impact on your sex life.
Hot tip: Once the medical issue has been addressed, you can start finding new ways to have fun by either experimenting on your own or meeting with a couples therapist to help find new methods for pleasure.

3 Your relationship has become platonic
If you’ve been in a relationship for 30, 20, 10, or even 5 years, things can start to become familiar. You’ve gotten into a routine at this point, and that comfort (which is great in some ways) is decidedly not great for your sex life.

4He’s stressed

It’s common for couples to get in arguments over money or job security, but those little arguments can add up over time to the point where they eventually affect desire.
In this case, the only way to overcome the issue is to face it head on.

5 He’s uncomfortable initiating sex
This could be true even if he was initiating regularly when you were dating or even early on in the marriage.
If this is the case, the onus here falls on you to take charge. It’s up to you to make time and to say we have a little date on Sunday night. It’s up to you to create an erotic space, to get some pornography or erotic literature.You can also have an open conversation and suggest simple, non-overwhelming things he could do to start initiating. Try giving him cues that you can respond to and play off of—like a code word or a specific type of touch that lets you both know it’s go-time.

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