How Do You Predict The Success Of A Reconciliation After A Breakup (Or A Near-Breakup)?

In some cases, even legally divorced couples want to reconcile and/or remarry because they have reconsidered their relationship and want to try again. After a split or near-split, what factors determine whether a couple will be able to maintain a happy and fulfilling relationship?,

1. Trust.  Either one or both partners decided to split up, or to deeply consider splitting up.  This means that trust will need to be re-established.  In fact, we could just say “established,” because there is no way to go back to the time when both partners took for granted that the relationship would last forever., trust will mean something different.  Instead of both partners saying that the relationship will never end, they can commit to telling each other when they are experiencing issues or doubts.  Instead of committing to forever, they can commit to honesty and authenticity. If both partners cannot trust the other to be transparent about future doubts/grievances, then the relationship is unlikely to rekindle.,

2. Similar motivators.  Couples need to have a strong sense of WHY they want to do the hard work of reconciling.  Some common motivators are: religious values, having an intact home for the kids, and a longstanding deep history together. Note: Staying together for the children can be underrated; while this cannot be a sole reason to remain together, it can certainly be a good motivator and starting point for a couple who wants to try again.  

,3. Attraction. attempts at a reconciliation are likely doomed from the start, unless the couple agrees on a friendship-based marriage without sex (or an open marriage).  If, however, there is sexual and physical chemistry, even that waxes and wanes, between the partners, then a romantic relationship is likelier to be rekindled.,

4. The ability to see one’s own contribution to the marital issues.

,5. Basic compatibility   If you do not share similar values on a deep level, then leave well enough alone and stay separated.  

6. Agreement that this relationship will be a NEW one, not the same one.  

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