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Typically, I encourage mentally incommunicative men to express more feelings to their wives. But, this should not be taken to indicate that sharing sensations with a partner is constantly a net favorable. and this is not healthy communication at all, but rather a codependency or anxious attachment problem. Similar to any other location of life, small amounts, or sharing SOME feelings, is healthier than either extreme; it is equally unhealthy to share NONE of your sensations as it is to share ALL of your feelings.
Some sensations should not be shared for the following 5 reasons. You will find this post extremely useful if you were raised by a conceited or Borderline Parent, two types of parents who confide in their children when they shouldn’t.
Manipulative behavior is possible. I see lots of relationships where the more emotionally meaningful partner (this can also be the man, by the method) uses their emotions as a method to blackmail the other partner. They express their distress, anger, or anxiety not only to vent and get emotional assistance, but to require the other partner do what they want. Example: “”I am scared that you will cheat on me at the party”” means to both partners that he is not going to permit her to go to the celebration and/or will make her life unpleasant if she goes.
It can be self-centered. In many couples, the one who reveals more feelings gets center stage a lot more of the time. A person continuing about their feelings occupies a great deal of airtime, and the other partner may never get to share their own sensations, especially if they are not comfy interrupting the other (and it may constantly be disturbance, if the list is continuous).
It does not allow you to resolve your own problems. If every time you feel bad, you hurry to your partner to make the discomfort disappear, you never learn that emotions can hand down their own and you have the strength to survive them. You presume that you would not have the ability to endure tough feelings without your partner, which then makes you frightened about them ever leaving you or not being present with you (at extremes, this means you never ever desire them to leave your side). You do not get to sit with your own hard sensations and learn that you can come out the other side.
It can be short-sighted and unkind. If you believe that your spouse is being a jerk and they have actually distressed you by acting self-centered, perhaps they have a great factor for it that will come to the fore if you wait a little bit of time before challenging them with your sensations. Everyone is worthy of some grace, and the excuse, “”I’m just telling you how I feel”” is frequently used as a reason for unkindness, e.g. keeping somebody up late when they are tired to talk about how upset you are with them, concentrating on their negative qualities when they are going through a hard time themselves, or bringing up a battle that you wish to rework when they are on a due date for work. “”Expressing your feelings”” must not have to take place RIGHT THIS SECOND, and, often, if you wait a bit, your feelings decline and other priorities, like the relationship as an entire, come forward.
It may undermine a team method. Your feelings can not be completion point of every discussion. I see couples where “”I simply do not want to do X”” is completion of the partner’s reasoning. This ranges from not desiring sex to not wishing to prepare a date to not wishing to do a chore to not wishing to have a discussion at all. Often, in a relationship, we need to do things that we do not right away want to do, or may never ever want to do, but we do them to be a great team gamer. When one or both partners utilizes their feelings to leave doing things they do not want to do, it can hinder a team-oriented technique that would benefit both partners long term.
There you have it, reasons why sharing sensations is not always the very best thing to do. Share this post with your partner, whether you are the oversharer or undersharer of feelings. There is not just one method to be pleased; all couples require to find their own path. For lots of people, a more determined, tactful, and focused technique to sharing feelings might assist right the ship of your marriage.
