The Key To Long-Term Success In Sex Life Is Diversification

The majority of men are so focused on their low libido partners that they fail to recognize that their own libidos will decline over time as well. Yes, this happens more gradually than for women (who face discrete biological events like the menstrual cycle, pregnancy, nursing, and menopause), but it happens nonetheless. In their 40’s and 50’s, most men who are honest with themselves notice that their sex drives are not as high as in their 20’s and 30’s. They may start having episodes of erectile issues and difficulty reaching orgasm, especially if they are not particularly mentally or physically excited.

This is the age at which men require more manual, oral, and mental stimulation to get aroused. However, if all they have been doing with their partners for the past 20 years is the same two positions of intercourse with limited foreplay, this may not work the same way anymore. Most of my male clients yearn for more rather than less foreplay, unlike what the popular media would have you believe. It is their wives, with lower libidos overall, that frequently prefer a quicker and intercourse focused encounter.

When men cannot instantly achieve or maintain the same erections that they used to, and sex is only about intercourse, this can be very demoralizing for both partners. Often, the sex life for the couple ends before it needs to, because one or both partners are overly focused on the erection as the primary focus of sex. The woman often interprets her partner’s issues with erections as evidence that he is no longer as attracted to her aging body, while it is really just an aging issue. However, since few men discuss any erectile issues directly, out of embarrassment, the woman cannot be blamed for her interpretation.

Couples who are able to speak openly about their sex lives are ahead of the game in this stage of life, and are more likely to be able to transition into a sex life that does not require a constantly hard penis. At this stage, other forms of erotic connection, like massage, sharing fantasies, talking dirty, mutual masturbation, and so forth are all possibilities. However, if these more creative items were off the menu for years, it is hard to bring them back. It feels awkward and out of place to re-introduce (or introduce for the first time) activities that have been taboo for decades.

It is entirely possible to maintain a close and rich erotic and physically connection throughout the whole lifespan of a marriage. But it is almost impossible to do so without openness, acceptance of the aging bodies and libidos of both partners, and creativity. Just like you do not only invest in one stock for your 401K, you should not be investing only in sexual intercourse for the long term success of your intimate life. Make sure that you and your partner know how to please each other in many physical and mental ways that can carry you through all the vicissitudes of aging.”

Many men are so focused on their low libido partners that they fail to recognize that their own libidos will decline over time as well.  Yes, this happens more gradually than for women (who face discrete biological events like the menstrual cycle, pregnancy, nursing, and menopause), but it happens nonetheless.  In their 40’s and 50’s, most men who are honest with themselves notice that their sex drives are not as high as in their 20’s and 30’s.  They may start having episodes of erectile issues and difficulty reaching orgasm, especially if they are not particularly mentally or physically excited.  ,,This is the age at which men require more manual, oral, and mental stimulation to get aroused. However, if all they have been doing with their partners for the past 20 years is the same two positions of intercourse with limited foreplay, this may not work the same way anymore.  Most of my male clients yearn for more rather than less foreplay, unlike what the popular media would have you believe.  It is their wives, with lower libidos overall, that frequently prefer a quicker and intercourse focused encounter.,When men cannot instantly achieve or maintain the same erections that they used to, and sex is only about intercourse, this can be very demoralizing for both partners.  Often, the sex life for the couple ends before it needs to, because one or both partners are overly focused on the erection as the primary focus of sex.  The woman often interprets her partner’s issues with erections as evidence that he is no longer as attracted to her aging body, while it is really just an aging issue.  However, since few men discuss any erectile issues directly, out of embarrassment, the woman cannot be blamed for her interpretation.,Couples who are able to speak openly about their sex lives are ahead of the game in this stage of life, and are more likely to be able to transition into a sex life that does not require a constantly hard penis.  At this stage, other forms of erotic connection, like massage, sharing fantasies, talking dirty, mutual masturbation, and so forth are all possibilities.  However, if these more creative items were off the menu for years, it is hard to bring them back.  It feels awkward and out of place to re-introduce (or introduce for the first time) activities that have been taboo for decades.,It is entirely possible to maintain a close and rich erotic and physically connection throughout the whole lifespan of a marriage.  But it is almost impossible to do so without openness, acceptance of the aging bodies and libidos of both partners, and creativity.  Just like you do not only invest in one stock for your 401K, you should not be investing only in sexual intercourse for the long term success of your intimate life.  Make sure that you and your partner know how to please each other in many physical and mental ways that can carry you through all the vicissitudes of aging.,Share with your partner and use to spark a discussion about all the ways you can open up your sex life that are not only based on both having an orgasm as expediently as possible, because this may not always be possible.  Try new things in the bedroom, particularly focused on
the mental component.  And till we meet again, I remain, The Blogapist Who Says, To Read About A Range Of Real Couples’ Sex Lives, Read The Book
The Sex Diaries.,For therapy,
go here for Dr. Whiten and
go here for other clinicians in her group practice
Best Life Behavioral Health. For coaching with Dr. Whiten,
go here. Order Dr. Whiten’s books,

52 Emails to Transform Your Marriage and

How to Talk to Your Kids about Your Divorce: Healthy, Effective Communication Techniques for Your Changing Family, and listen to

The Dr. Psych Mom Show on
Spotify,
Apple Podcasts, or anywhere else you listen to podcasts.,This blog is not intended as medical advice or diagnosis and should in no way replace consultation with a medical professional. If you try this advice and it does not work for you, you cannot sue me. This is only my opinion, based on my background, training, and experience as a therapist and person.,comments

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